Without Words

 The perfect Bible verse for those brokenhearted, speechless times.

I’ve never been the speechless type – one at a loss for words. 

Growing up, my mom told me that we only got so many words in life, and I would probably run out of them by the time I was a teenager because I talked so much. Of course, it took me years to realize she was joking, but she had a point – I was quite talkative.

But these days, I find myself without words.

My lovely roommate from my college days was just diagnosed with a serious case of cancer about a month ago. She’s my age – 36, and a wonderful mother of three young kids. 

When I received the news, I was devastated. I quickly thought of how vibrant, and full of life and love she is, always putting her family and friends first.

My heart broke, and I sat at my school desk, unable to think of how to respond in words. My salty sobs did the talking because there were simply no words to convey the heartbreak.

Fast forward to earlier this week when I got a call from one of my close friends about a medical problem she’s going through where there’s a malformation in the back of her brain. Neurologist and other specialists don’t quite know what this means, or what to make of the information yet. But they agree that it’s not typical.

This superwoman friend is a dedicated educator, mom of a brilliant youngster, and the sweetest friend anyone could ask for. As I read her text message, and then listened to the desperation in her voice when we talked, I found myself speechless once again. No words could I utter. My “I’m SO sorry” fell short, as I tried to choke back the tears that lumped in my throat.

Fast forward again to a few days ago around a school I happened to be visiting…

I heard some students’ comments about their home lives. 

One student doesn’t get hugged. Ever.

Another student wishes his/her parents would fill out the form for the Weekend Food Bag so that there’s dinner for the family to eat, but is discouraged that pride has gotten in the way.

Another student told me that he/she misses the family’s deceased loved one, and how lonely that feels.

Hearing all these comments, I found myself with no words. 

Once again, I sat, stunned at the news I was hearing, and knew that whatever I said would never be enough to make up for the pain that all these people around me are going through.

Searching for a word to describe how I feel about all this news has been difficult. It’s painful to watch those around you suffer physically and emotionally. I want to fix it all, and yet I’m helpless.

It makes me feel sad. 

Sad. Whenever my students use the word “sad” in their writing, I tell them that it’s not a “good adjective” and that they can think of a better one to enrich their writing. 

Yet, that is the perfect word to convey how I feel...
Unbelievably and overwhelmingly sad.

I’m sadden by the fact that cancer has no cure and takes lives of the young and old alike. 

I’m sadden that my beautiful roommate has to rearrange her life for chemo and worry about the outcome of her Littles as they watch their mamma suffer through the treatments.

I’m saddened by my educator friend whose brain is letting her down.
I’m saddened that she has to face the scary unknown at such a young age, and at a time where so many young kids, including her own child, depend on her.

I’m saddened that there are kids that I encounter almost daily who don't have their basic essentials met. They’re lonely, hungry, and starving for physical and emotional relief.

I’m part of such a broken world. And, when it hits close to home with the people I love and do life with, it gets difficult. I’m accepting that sometimes in life, there just aren’t words to express a broken heart.

But I think it’s ok to not always have the right words because there’s always prayer. Even in the most silent prayers, where my heart cannot express the emotion, I realize that God understands. He knows how speechless I am, and He still chooses to care.

Two Bible verses I cling to most in times where all I see is sadness and am not able to convey my feelings are:

Psalms 147:3 – “He heals the broken in heart, and binds up their wounds.”

2 Corinthians 12:9 – “And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me."


Sometimes words don't come. But His promises will.