My Word

With the new year just around the corner, I began reflecting back over 2017. It was a long, trying year for my family and me.

2017…

For me, it was the year I advocated for my children. I feel like I fought an endless, painful uphill battle to figure out what kinds of services and doctors they both needed.

It’s the year that my oldest, Jacob, went through his own mental and emotional hardship.  During the spring, I knew he’d need an IEP to be successful in school, so I began the long process to gather the data and make the necessary appointments for him.

It all paid off tremendously. He triumphed, and now has the right combination of medicines, correct diagnoses, OT, and counseling. The elementary school he attends is the right fit for his personality and he has been provided an amazing support team of both Regular Ed and Special Ed educators that meet his social, behavioral, and sensory needs.

Jude continued to take speech therapy classes (over 120 hours worth outside of what he gets in his IEP at preschool!) and made little progress. So concerning Jude, it was the year that I didn’t find any of the answers I sought - Why isn’t he able to talk (real words)? Why did he have seizures in the first place? What do I do when his regular toddler tantrums turn into sensory meltdowns that last over an hour? Will I ever be able to take him out in public to functions again without having to leave abruptly due to his behavior?

Will Jude be nonverbal forever?

Completely defeated on the Jude front. Thrilled and thankful on the Jacob front.

2017. So emotional. And EXHAUSTING.

Now, with 2017 behind me, I think of the direction I want 2018 to head. I stopped making New Year’s Resolutions years ago because they became too stressful to maintain. Even though I tried to make practical ones, I felt like a loser or failure when I didn’t quite meet them with 100% accuracy.

I heard on the radio that several people choose a statement or one word as their focus for the year ahead. I’ve never done this before and thought I’d give it a try.

If I had to choose a word that I think summed up my 2017, it would be “Survive”.

That's all I did. I barely survived day-to-day, in a sea of unanswered questions and severe loneliness.

I don’t want to just “survive” in 2018. I want a word that is opposite - one that emcompasses who I am on the inside, and who I aspire to be on the outside. So, I did what any good over-achievable, deep-thinking analyzer would, and I started making my word list. I made notes, Googled searched, and browsed scriptures on my quest to find the perfect word.

My word is MINDFUL.

According to good ol’ Webster, to be mindful is to “be aware of something”.

I want to be mindful of what others are going through. My friends deserve for me to be the type of friend that empathizes with them, and makes time for them... one who reaches out in love to help them get through life’s unpredictable moments. Strangers deserve a patient me who offers a helping hand instead of a judging stare. After all, we never truly know someone’s struggle or cross they bear. I really think that if we were all more mindful of how we treat others, we’d see drastic improvements of love, and a sense of togetherness in our nation.

My students deserve a mindful teacher. When I’m trying to control a roomful of youngsters, all with different interests, personalities, and struggles, my first instinct is to be firm. But what I have discovered in my decade of teaching is that I can be firm and set proper ground rules, but be fair at the same time. The students need to feel loved, and by developing quality relationships with my students, I’ll be able to take their circumstances and their feelings into consideration when I teach them. Being mindful of my students can make or break their love for school and feeling of acceptance.
Outwardly, I want to be mindful of my health, and of what I put into my body. I’ve never been one for dieting, nor do I think I need to lose weight. But I have started making healthier choices overall - less caffeine (with the exception of morning coffee) more water, less carbs and more vegetables, etc.

You know, the boring stuff that makes you want to roll your eyes when you listen to perfectly-sized women talk about their food plans.

But in all seriousness, being mindful of my body also means taking care of myself when I feel ill, sleeping well, and allocating time to do things that help me recharge.
Speaking of time, I want to be mindful of what I spend my time on. Even though I maintain the attitude that life should be all about balance, I greatly struggle with this. I spend more time on work than I should and don’t make time for myself. All work and no play makes Angela a bad mama, stressed-out professional, and unhappy human being.

Photography calms me down. When I look
through a lens, I get to focus solely on beauty,
and not on the stresses of life.

So I will definitely be mindful of how I spend my time next year!

Finally, l want to be prudent what I spend my money on. I already have everything I need in life as far a “stuff” goes. So why then did I just donate five large bags of clothes and clutter and seven bags of toys to the local Goodwill store? In this consumer-driven society, if I’m mindful on where my money goes, I can make wise investments that benefit my children in the future, become debt-free, and give charitably like never before.
I've already stopped surviving, and started becoming conscious of all the people and goings-on around me by being mindful. Mindful. Yep, that’s the perfect word for 2018!

Happy 2018 from my family to yours! Cheers to a fuller life!