The Importance of Mental Health

I've come to realize that kids have the same feelings & struggles
adults do. Then why do we try to make them
behave as though they're perfect?

When I say the words “mental health”, what images conjure in your head?

Perhaps feelings of contentment sweep over you like a fresh breeze as you think of things that bring you peace - a yoga class, the beautiful beach on a warm day, or getting lost in a lovely melody of favorite music.

For some people, they may associate the term “mental health” with the thought of lying on an uncomfortable, ugly couch, pouring out repressed thoughts and feelings to an overpaid “shrink”.  

Me?

Well, that second response was actually mine.

Notice the word “WAS”. 

It’s not my response now though.

So what changed?

Well, my definition of "mental health" changed, all because of the journey a dear little boy had to take. A little boy whom I love dearly. My Jacob. 

Jacob’s infant and toddlerhood was ideal. Jason and I spent lots of time and money invested in him, as he was our ‘miracle child’ after our daughter’s death. (I shared a little of her story in the last entry, The Power of Friendship.)

Jason and I took Jacob to museums and zoos, exploring cities and caves, and even jetted him to Ireland on a once-in-a-lifetime family vacation when he was 3 ½. He quickly developed an extensive vocabulary, a love for music of all kinds, and an interest in books.

Everything seemed fine. 

He was happy. We were happy.

When Jacob was four years old, he started saying that he didn’t like himself, which concerned his dad and me. He seemed to have trouble with peers in preschool, and he was moodier than usual. Kindergarten seemed to get a little better for him at first, but then the same problems reoccurred.

As a parent, I was trying desperately to “fix” the problems at home. I tried more discipline by taking away screen time and loss of privileges. I tried sticker charts and reward systems. Nothing seemed to work, and by the time that first grade came around, Jacob seemed more out-of-control than he ever had.

He was having difficulty focusing in school and at home. He was argumentative, defiant, and didn’t have a good handle on his emotions. He was sad one moment, then fearful, and then joyful the next, all within a time frame of five minutes. What bothered me the most were the harsh, negative things he would say about himself.

During this time, I started thinking that I had completely failed as a mom. I even started blaming myself for how Jacob was behaving. I started the dangerous paths of “if maybes”.

“If maybe I would have been stricter, Jacob would have acted better.”

“If maybe Jacob had a better mom <<like so & so >>, then he would be a happier child.”

“Maybe I’m not meant to be a mom. What if my kid can’t ever get better?”

I finally recognized that I was at a crossroads in my parenting. So, I did the only thing I could think to do. I confronted the view I had of mental health, took a deep breath, called up a counselor, and made an appointment for Jacob.

When I met the counselor, she was definitely not the “overpaid shrink” I envisioned from my earlier description. She didn’t even own an ugly couch to lie on either. Her office was decorated with colorful rugs, inspirational quotes, and comfy chairs. She had a treasure box full of prizes, a bin with stuffed animals, and board games. And she greeted Jacob and me both with a large genuine smile.

To my surprise, talking with her didn’t cause my world to collapse. Actually, the contrary happened. Jacob started learning coping skills to deal with his anger. I started learning parenting strategies to implement. And, the counselor’s recommendations helped get the diagnosis process started for Jacob.

“DIAGNOSIS”.
That word was very tough for me to swallow at first.

No mom wants to hear that her child may have something “wrong” with him. Through the process of seeking answers, what I learned turned out to be invaluable to me, not only as a mom, but as a teacher.

I’ve always tried to show kindness and compassion to my students and their families, but found that this journey allowed me to add on a layer of empathy that wasn’t there before. It made all the difference too! I’m more confident as an educator, more understanding as a friend, stronger as a mom, and kinder as a human being in general.

I’m slowly learning not to blame myself for what Jacob went through, and continues to go through on the daily basis.

So, what about Jacob’s mental health now?

Well, after several appointments the past few months, we finally have the diagnoses and a plan in place. 

Jacob has DMDD (Disruptive Mood Dysregulation Disorder), ADHD (impulsive/hyperactive), and Sensory Modulation Disorder.

He takes medicine for the ADHD, continues to attend individual and family counseling with us to help with the DMDD, and has started Occupational Therapy to help with the Sensory Modulation Disorder. The OT is also working with him to strengthen his core, and reinforce the coping strategies he’s learning from his counselor.

Jacob’s journey has also helped me realize the importance of mental health, and even redefine it. So now what images conjure in my mind when I think of “mental health”?

I see…

*Some medicine, but not a lot.
*A smiling counselor’s face.
*An OT’s tailored intervention sessions.
*Prayer from friends and church Small Group.
*Encouragement and support from my pastors.
*A new respect for students in the classroom setting.
*And most importantly, a little brown-headed boy, whom I love dearly, knowing that he’s loved and that he has what it takes to be successful and happy in life.