Seasons Of Life

If there's one thing I've learned about life as an adult, it's that it comes in "seasons". And I'm not talking about spring, summer, fall, winter. I'm talking about stages a mom goes through as she has children and watches them grow.  If I may have a completely honest conversation with you for a bit, without any filters, this is how I would sum up my adult “Seasons of Life” thus far as it relates to Motherhood.

"Even though I didn't have kids...
I was a child expert!"

The Dreamer
During this idealistic Season of Life, I had been married for about two years, and wasn't ready for kids. I wanted to spend more time "getting to know" my husband. There's nothing wrong with that mindset, except when it came to my unrealistic parenting views. Even though I didn't have kids, I knew that I wanted them one day. At this point, I had helped babysit my share of children over the span of my young life, so as far as I was concerned, I was a child expert! In fact, when I was out and about in various environments (grocery stores, restaurants, and I admit, even church), I would study adults who were parents. If I saw a child having tantrums, meltdowns, or being too loud, I would judge those parents in my mind. I admit that on countless occasions, my husband and I would look at each other and comment, "When we have kids, we're going to do things differently." Or, "Look at them. They don't have it together. Our kids are going to be different!" What I realize now is that I was naïve and more judgmental than I should have been.

The Babymooner

"I was just happy to be a mom."

Being a new mom marked this Season of Life. After a horrible tragedy occurred with my first-born child, I was fortunate enough to get pregnant again. My second child was my beautiful boy, Jacob. I was so thrilled to get to raise a healthy, wonderful baby that it didn’t matter to me how little sleep I got. My tank was running on empty the entire first year, yet I tried not to complain. I was just happy to be a mom. But I was scared at the same time. I would read parenting books and spend every chance I got trying to help my baby grow – healthy food choices, classical music at bedtime, and lots of pictures of milestones.

Culturally enriching play dates were hand-selected.

The Visionary 

This is the Season of Life in which I became a planner. As a mom of a preschooler, I was determined to give Jacob the best of every opportunity in life. (I mentioned this briefly when I introduced him in my Meet My Crew post.) I envisioned Jacob getting the best preschool education and having the most fun childhood. In the Visionary Mom Stage, I could be at every event, both big and small, in my child’s life. Everything was precisely planned, even down to the carefully hand-selected friends and culturally enriching play dates.

awaiting the wonderful addition

The Naive Adventurer 

The endless sleepless nights and disgusting diaper smells were long forgotten. This is the Season of Life where I decided to have another child. I use the term naive because in my life, everyone I had ever met told me, “The second kid is always easier!” I probably heard that a hundred times. Ok, more like 36. But still, each time I heard it, I was getting more and more excited about adding onto my family. Jude was that wonderful addition.

Currently, life is a balancing act!

The Juggler 

Even though this is not the final Motherhood Season of Life, this is where I’m going to stop because it’s where I find myself now. I feel as though I’m always on-the-go. For me personally, juggling two kids has been so much more difficult than I anticipated. I realize there are days that I cannot give both boys the amount of attention and quality time they need. It’s hard to balance a career and motherhood. At the end of the long day at work, there are so many times I want to just crash and unwind my own introverted way, but I can’t. I have two young kiddos depending on me. But no matter how busy and stressed I feel, I repeat my mantra, “This is just the Season of Life. This too shall pass.”

Who's the Patient?

He folded his hands and leaned forward, his wise eyes squinted through thick glasses as he stared at me across the room, awaiting my answer. I hesitated, and muttered whatever came to my mind. I could tell that he didn’t buy the nonsense I told him.

"He saw that I was struggling
on the inside, no matter how much I was trying to
keep it together on the outside. He sensed it."

I was right in the middle of Jude’s three-year-old checkup with his pediatrician, Doc. I love that my boys have a wonderful rapport with their doctor. By the end of this particular visit, I  had another reason to respect him and his opinion even more.

After taking note of all the updated information about what Jude has been going through concerning medical appointments and speech interventions, Doc shifted his focus from Jude’s health to mine. 

The question he was awaiting an answer for was, “What do you do to take care of yourself?”

I had never been asked that before, and the fact that it came from the boys’ pediatrician surprised me even more. I had anticipated the negative, and thought I was going to hear about how Jude should be further along verbally than he is. (You know, the kind of obvious thing that you already know but makes for easy conversation.) 

Instead, Doc expressed concerned about MY mental health. He wanted to make sure I was taking care of MYSELF!

(Who even does that anymore?)

He proceeded to explain to me that I needed to make time for myself, to unwind and relax. 

I quickly felt guilty at just the thought of taking time for myself, and tried to reassure him that I was really okay, and that I felt thankful to be able to take Jude to all the appointments. I didn’t want the doctor to think I was ungrateful for the opportunities Jude gets to work with specialists so early in life.

But the more the pediatrician talked, the more sense he made. I realized that he didn’t think of me as ungrateful at all.  He saw that I was struggling on the inside, no matter how much I was trying to keep it together on the outside. He sensed it.

Doc spent the next 15 minutes giving me a pep talk, praising ALL the work I am doing as a mom! I cannot even explain how my heart felt as I choked back the tears.

Validation.
All moms NEED validation! 

The doctor and his nurse continued to encourage me, complimenting my decision-making and motherly intuition. Doc finally “reprimanded” me by stating that if I don’t take care of myself, I cannot take care of my boys to the degree that I need to.

Wow. 

His words hit me like a ton of bricks.

Really sounds simple, doesn’t it? 

You may be even thinking, “Duh, Angela. Isn’t that obvious?”

And I would agree with you... It should be obvious, but it wasn’t.

The fact is, I had never taken time to do anything for myself, let along assess my mental health. 

It made me wonder how many moms out there do what I’m doing -- running 100mph 100% of the time, trying to juggle work and motherhood, meeting everyone else’s needs first without even stopping to think of themselves. I dare to say there are many if we all answered honestly.

Why is that?                                         

Does it have to do with how we are wired? 

Society? 

Guilt?
I’m not really sure I have answers to these questions.

But I do know that I need to be able to answer the pediatrician back. I NEED to find an outlet that I enjoy. A way to deal with how overwhelming life gets when I’m trying to make decisions and help my family. 

I value my kiddos’ mental health.
Why not start valuing my own too?

Maybe this blog will help. Only time will tell with that.
In the meantime, if any of you have ideas, let me know. I would love to hear from you on how you deal with issues of mental health and keeping your sanity.

Simplistic Summer

Since I'm a teacher, I get the summers "off".

...because you know,
every elementary teacher carries
Truffula Trees around in her car

I use the word "off" loosely because everyone who is in the education profession knows that teachers work more than people think in the summers - between obtaining Professional Development hours, working toward certifications, attending trainings, and collaborating with colleagues about the upcoming school year. Nevertheless, I'm home more in the summer with my children than I am during the school year, so yes, I get them "off".

This summer, I find myself tighter on time than I expected to be. Both my boys have had countless appointments since school has gotten out. When I say countless, I literally lost count after 19 appointments within the month of June alone, and today is only the 20th. That averages about 6 appointments per week when you factor in that doctor's offices are only opened Monday through Friday. 

Craziness! 

Just thinking about it stresses me out. 

I'll talk about the boy's medical needs more another time. But not all at once - too much to process, and for some of it, we still don't have answers. 🙁

But, back to summer...😁

This summer, I also find myself tight on money. Medical bills have piled up from Jude's hospital visits, follow-up appointments and epilepsy medicine. (I mentioned about his diagnosis in my last post.) Jason (the hubs) and I are trying to tackle the debt Dave Ramsey style. (For those of you who don't know what that means, you can find more informational online about his Financial Peace program.) 

So, this summer, as I browse through Facebook, I cannot relate to the trips I see people taking. There'll be no week-stays at Disney, cruises to the Caribbean, or Vegas vacations. I'm not going to lie; as someone who loves to explore and travel, it's kind of a bummer. Instead of staying sad about it though, I realize that my family's 'fancy trip' day will come again. In the meantime, I'm determined to have a blast with my kids, even on a budget, and between all the appointments. 

Levi Jackson State Park
in London, Kentucky

putt-putt golf: $3 Jacob
Jude was free!

So, what do I do? I visit state parks with the kids. It costs nothing but the gas to get there, and you can even pack a picnic lunch. The best part was that my 7-year-old loved it! He actually tells people that I took him on the "best vacation in the woods!"

Gorgeous view and it's free to enjoy!

One day, I didn't feel like getting out. Some people function best when they are out and about, on-the-go.
I'm not one of these people. 🙎
At all. 🙅
But my kids are. 😏

So I just knew that I had to figure out a way to let them get their energy out without leaving the house.
My solution: I call it The Rocket Slide:

I used an old tarp we have, my husband's shaving cream, and added water. The boys played on it for what seemed like hours, and loved it.

Giggles are giggles, whether they're made on a luxury cruise, or on an old, wet, shaving cream coated tarp. Carpe Diem and Happy Simplistic Summering!

Meet My Crew

Name: Jacob
Age: 7 at the time I wrote this. 8 at the time it was updated.
Things I Like Best About Him: creativity, sense of adventure, musical ability
Things That Drive Me Crazy: messiness & being a picky eater

First up, my first born son. This handsome little fellow is 7 and is going to conquer the world one day. Ok, probably not, but when you talk to him, it sure does seem that way. The kid has an impressive vocabulary for his age! Academics, music, and rhetoric come easily for him, but it’s not really his fault.

You see, for four solid years, he’s the one who had Mommy and Daddy to himself. He’s the one whom I played Mozart every night for while I carried him in my tummy. He had a first-class ticket to museums, cultural events, the latest educational toys, and the undivided attention of two doting parents.

With only one child in the mix, I had more energy than I do now, and a different set of parenting standards that I placed on myself. I wanted the ‘best’ for my son, and defined the ‘best’ as the things mentioned above.

Now, let me make myself clear. THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH THIS STYLE OF PARENTING. I have friends who parent similarly and it works for them. It worked for me with Jacob, until another child came along...

For now with Jacob, my parenting has become seemingly more complicated. As he continues to grow, he’s gaining new interests and a totally different personality is beginning to take shape. He has to share my time and attention with his brother, which in turn, has created some hurdles. But, more on that at a later time. 

Name: Jude
Age: 3 at the time I wrote this. 4 at the time updated.
Things I Like Best About Him: humor, athleticism, good eating habits
Things That Drive Me Crazy: 
toddler tantrums, bad sleeping habits, lack of communication that isn’t his fault

Meet Jude.  Yes, he's adorable, but don’t think for a minute that he doesn’t know it. Standing at only 36" high, this blonde hair, blue-eyed cutie will blow you a kiss, melt your heart, and steal your lunch, all in the same breath!  You know how some kids are very cautious, aware of their surroundings, and seek parental approval? Well, Jude is NOT one of those! He's a loud, feisty thrill-seeker who also gives the best hugs & kisses. 

Jude is basically nonverbal. He has excessive speech delays and spends an average of approximately four hours per week in speech therapy lessons. To date, he's had 80 hours of speech intervention since October 2016 alone!

Jude is also diagnosed with epilepsy. His dangerous seizures began suddenly in August 2016, and lasted as long as ten to fifteen minutes before medicine kicked in to make them cease. To this day, Jude continues to undergo various medical checkups and neurology visits at Cincinnati Children's Hospital. 

Name: Sandy
Age: 9 months at the time I wrote this. (Almost 2 years now)
Things I Like Best About Her: 
cuteness, doesn't ever bark, is good with the kids
Things That Drive Me Crazy: 
teething, the puppy stage

Sandy is my family's 9-month-old golden retriever puppy. After she finishes puppy classes, she'll start her training to become a therapy dog for Jacob and Jude. My husband and I had originally planned to take her through service dog training for Jude's epilepsy. But once Jacob was diagnosed with various medical conditions as well, we changed our minds and are gong to pursue the route of therapy training to accommodate both children. Her name means "Protector of Mankind" in Greek - the perfect name for such a special dog. 

The coolest fact about Sandy - she was born on the exact same day, at the same time that Jude was diagnosed with epilepsy! If that doesn't send cold chills down your spine, I don't know what will. She is truly God-sent and a beautiful addition to our family.

Last, but certainly not least, is the man I'm doing life with - my husband Jason. (Having all J names in the family greatly frustrates me on several occasions in case you were wondering. Anyway, that's beside the point.)

Jason and I have been married for almost 14 years. Some days it feels more like 25; other days it feels like 7. Regardless of the day and situation, it's nice to look back through life and realize that you can journey through life's joys and trials with someone at your side. 

Obviously, he's a huge UK fan (in case the shirt doesn't give it away 😏), sings like a rock star, and is good with technology. Don't let the picture below fool you; neither of us can dance, but we sure do enjoy trying. Jason is my best friend and the one I feel most comfortable with.

You may have noticed I didn't include what I dislike about him. Well, that's because our marriage isn't the specific focus of my blog. Marriage is hard enough without having it openly exposed for the world to see. And while we have our times of frustration (as every couple I know does), it's nice to have someone who "gets me", in my corner at the end of the day. 😍 He's been one of the biggest blessings in my life, and I need to acknowledge that more often.

I'm actually doing this!

Do you sit in your car and breathe in a few moments of silence before heading into your workplace? Do you ever find yourself stashing chocolate around the house because little hands might find it and eat it all before you get the opportunity to indulge? Do you dream of the Cheerios, action figures, and fast food wrappers being vacuumed out of your car?

If so, YOU ARE NOT alone! I repeat: You’re NOT alone!

It’s nice to meet you! I’m Angela, a working-outside-the-house mom who constantly struggles to keep it together in life when dealing with her family. Welcome to my blog!

The Beginnings…

“You should start a blog!” my husband insisted over a few years ago. “You like to write. You could write about all sorts of things.”

“No. I have nothing to say.” I shot him down instantly.

Then, life got crazy. REALLY crazy. Before I knew it, weeks led into months, months into years. And now, here I am, starting a blog, wondering what I’m getting myself into…

The first thing you should know about me is that I never dive into big projects spontaneously. I contemplate all sides, make pro/con lists, and then plunge into research. Afterwards, I analyze my decision for days, until I exhaust the topic with all my friends and husband. So naturally, once I decided that maybe my husband had a point (shhh…don’t let tell him I said that ), I started reading about how to write a blog. The number one thing I learned is that I need a niche.

A niche? Hmmm….

Which crazy niche hat should I put on to parade in front of you?

Well, there’s my Educator Hat. I’m a teacher who loves her profession, but find many education blogs quite overwhelming and repetitive. Not all them, but let’s face it, education trends come and go. Plus, I want to talk about something more people can relate to.

There’s my Motherhood Hat. I’m a mama to two spunky, wonderful, drive-me-nuts-in-every-way-possible boys. Jacob is seven and Jude just turned three. They use their cuteness to try to charm me into getting their way, until every ounce of energy is sucked out of my weary body. This happens most often as soon as I get home from work.

That’s it!! – WORKING MOMS. That’s my niche! 🎉

I’m a working mom who feels very overwhelmed but blessed at the same time. I’m a mom who wants to meet her spouse’s and children’s needs, thrive at work, keep solid relationships with her friends, and do it all without making the news in a bad way.

Does this sound like you too? If so, join me!  

While I can’t promise any life changing tips, profound advice, or Pinterest-worthy recipes, I can share my story with you in hopes that after reading each entry, you feel a little less alone. Who knows, after hearing about my loopy life, yours may feel a tad bit more normal than you originally thought. Or it may bore you and help you get to sleep at night. 😉

No matter the reason you’re still reading this, welcome aboard!