Who's the Patient?

He folded his hands and leaned forward, his wise eyes squinted through thick glasses as he stared at me across the room, awaiting my answer. I hesitated, and muttered whatever came to my mind. I could tell that he didn’t buy the nonsense I told him.

"He saw that I was struggling
on the inside, no matter how much I was trying to
keep it together on the outside. He sensed it."

I was right in the middle of Jude’s three-year-old checkup with his pediatrician, Doc. I love that my boys have a wonderful rapport with their doctor. By the end of this particular visit, I  had another reason to respect him and his opinion even more.

After taking note of all the updated information about what Jude has been going through concerning medical appointments and speech interventions, Doc shifted his focus from Jude’s health to mine. 

The question he was awaiting an answer for was, “What do you do to take care of yourself?”

I had never been asked that before, and the fact that it came from the boys’ pediatrician surprised me even more. I had anticipated the negative, and thought I was going to hear about how Jude should be further along verbally than he is. (You know, the kind of obvious thing that you already know but makes for easy conversation.) 

Instead, Doc expressed concerned about MY mental health. He wanted to make sure I was taking care of MYSELF!

(Who even does that anymore?)

He proceeded to explain to me that I needed to make time for myself, to unwind and relax. 

I quickly felt guilty at just the thought of taking time for myself, and tried to reassure him that I was really okay, and that I felt thankful to be able to take Jude to all the appointments. I didn’t want the doctor to think I was ungrateful for the opportunities Jude gets to work with specialists so early in life.

But the more the pediatrician talked, the more sense he made. I realized that he didn’t think of me as ungrateful at all.  He saw that I was struggling on the inside, no matter how much I was trying to keep it together on the outside. He sensed it.

Doc spent the next 15 minutes giving me a pep talk, praising ALL the work I am doing as a mom! I cannot even explain how my heart felt as I choked back the tears.

Validation.
All moms NEED validation! 

The doctor and his nurse continued to encourage me, complimenting my decision-making and motherly intuition. Doc finally “reprimanded” me by stating that if I don’t take care of myself, I cannot take care of my boys to the degree that I need to.

Wow. 

His words hit me like a ton of bricks.

Really sounds simple, doesn’t it? 

You may be even thinking, “Duh, Angela. Isn’t that obvious?”

And I would agree with you... It should be obvious, but it wasn’t.

The fact is, I had never taken time to do anything for myself, let along assess my mental health. 

It made me wonder how many moms out there do what I’m doing -- running 100mph 100% of the time, trying to juggle work and motherhood, meeting everyone else’s needs first without even stopping to think of themselves. I dare to say there are many if we all answered honestly.

Why is that?                                         

Does it have to do with how we are wired? 

Society? 

Guilt?
I’m not really sure I have answers to these questions.

But I do know that I need to be able to answer the pediatrician back. I NEED to find an outlet that I enjoy. A way to deal with how overwhelming life gets when I’m trying to make decisions and help my family. 

I value my kiddos’ mental health.
Why not start valuing my own too?

Maybe this blog will help. Only time will tell with that.
In the meantime, if any of you have ideas, let me know. I would love to hear from you on how you deal with issues of mental health and keeping your sanity.