September Setback

I was going along well, adapting to my new job working with at-risk Special Needs students, when suddenly I was put into a position that caused me to take on a different role. The new role brought three times the amount of work and stress with it, even though it’s the best option for all parties involved. So I went from soaring through August, to barely bobbing with my head above water in the endless sea of exhaustion and time management during September. How suddenly the tide had changed!

“Great,” I thought, "Now I’m a working mom with absolutely nothing to give her kids at the end of the long, frustrating days."

September messed up my family’s schedule… all the make-ahead dinners didn’t get made. Take-out food was ordered in bulk at an all-time high. And while we did manage to make the boys eat with us around the dinner table, we were too mentally beaten to even have an intelligent conversation with them.

Because I was working three times as hard with this new position, I brought work home. This affected the fact that I couldn’t be the “glue” that held our nightly routine together. Sandy was no longer given walks, even though she was in the middle of being trained as a therapy dog. Jason usually did those, and Jason was busy trying to deal with the boys, dinner, and dishes because I was simply too weary to help. I came home, changed to pajamas, and instantly plopped down on the bed on countless occasions.

During September, this negative transition my family went through upset me greatly. I couldn’t keep up with my colleague who doesn't have young kids at home, and could spend hours nightly providing my principal and team with the best researched resources. 

I couldn’t make most of my boys’ schools events such as “Muffins with Mom” and the Scholastic Bookfair. Heck, I couldn’t even show up to help train Sandy so that she could get her therapy dog certification on the date she was projected.

I found myself being somersaulted around, like a young girl on the scary, rickety, country fair rides, between the Bitter-O-Whirl and the Hurling Rocket. I was bitter. I was sick. And my life was hurling out of sync before my very eyes.

Finally, I somehow survived and made it to Fall Break. 

Fall Break…a teacher’s right of passage to remind her that she needs to stop and take time to realize that she’s more than a lesson-making, paper-grading, at-times-glorified-babysitter-to-little-loves-whose-parents-think-they-can-do-no-wrong, data-analyzing, under-paid worker who doesn’t have her life in check. 

Now, I love teaching and children, otherwise, I wouldn’t be in my tenth year of education. But, I will take anyone on who thinks that teachers don’t need more breaks.

I spent night one of Fall Break at a pumpkin farm with my family, and day one on a 'real' farm, with some of my favorite friends. During these events, I found my heart-rate dropped (at least according to my Fitbit) and that I could breathe. I even had time to sit down with my husband over coffee and go over our bills. (This was devastating when we realized how much we had paid for food for eating out several times a week.) But, the fact was, we now are getting back on track because we took the time and had the energy to focus on a plan.

A break… It’s just what the hypothetical doctor had ordered!

And as I think back through the month of September and how difficult it was, I don’t want to return to it. In a week, I go back to the grind, to the same job that caused me to be drained in the first place. But, I plan to take back a different perspective – one where I refuse to take as much work home. One where I acknowledge and accept that I cannot keep up with that perfect teammate who has no young kids at home, and one where I tell myself that whatever I do is enough.

I remember my student teaching years, when a wise teacher across the hall once told me, “Angela, teaching is all about balance. You will never be able to get it all done, but if you don’t take care of yourself, then you’ll get even less done.”

So to all you working moms out there – those who work both outside and inside the house - I challenge you to start taking care of yourself. I have reassured myself that October will not be the same setback for my family that September was.